Once a month our church hosts a mom’s group that discusses issues and topics related to motherhood, being a wife, or just being a woman in general. This month was my first time attending the mom’s group, which is called “Faith Moms”. I didn’t know what to expect, but I got tea, small biscuits, free childcare, and a warm group of other moms!
This month’s topic was about fathers. They did something really interesting and brought in a group of five or so husbands and fathers from different stages of life in our church (some had teenage aged kids while others had grand kids and even great grandchildren) and asked them questions all about life as a husband and father! I picked out some of the questions that were talked about, some that I found most helpful for me as a wife and also ones that I think you might like to hear about, too. I brought these questions home and asked them to Taylor, so I hope we can all learn something!
Question: When you get home from work, what is helpful to you? Do you need time to “de-stress”? Has this varied according to the ages of your children or the job you were in?
Answer: (Taylor speaking) For me personally, I don’t need a de-stress or debrief as much as just a positive atmosphere when I get home. As long as I don’t come home to Rachel grumpy and exhausted and just throwing everything on me I’m okay. On many days, I even like having things to do or talk about right when I get home, and while my job may change someday, I normally don’t need to de-stress right getting home.
Q: How can wives encourage their husbands as the leader of their family? Is there anything your wife has done in particular that was helpful to you? Is there anything you would do differently?
A: (Taylor speaking) Being respectful of my opinions and suggestions but being confident enough to bring things up and give your own opinion on things. I don’t want Rachel to fight with me or put me down if she thinks I’m doing something wrong, but I hope that she’s confident enough in my leadership to trust me with what she wants and thinks. Her confidence and trust is enormous in supporting my leading our family.
Q: How have you connected with kids at various stages of life? Did you spend one-on-one time with each of your children? What has your wife done to help make this happen? What are some things that have been most meaningful for your children?
A: Obviously we’re not at a stage of our life where we can reflect on our experience with our own kids. I’m curious to hear what some of my experienced readers have to say about this! For now, I’ll share an answer from a grandfather at the discussion panel that stuck out to me. When his daughter turned 18, he took her out on a date. I mean, a proper date to the nines. They got dressed in the nicest outfit they owned and he cleaned his car and even picked her up at the front door with fresh flowers. This was the event of the year! To this day his daughter reflects on that special date she had with her father as the most meaningful time she had growing up.
Q: Is/was there a man you especially admired as a father? What were some of his character qualities that made him a good dad?
A: (Taylor speaking) I admire my dad for always looking at things from a big picture perspective and the wisdom that he has from that is a great character quality.
Q: What are practical ways your family shows love to you?
A: (Taylor speaking) Understanding the context and situation we’re in on a given day, week or month and acting accordingly. Sometimes it’s time for exciting activities, sometimes it’s time to relax, but I feel loved when my family is paying attention to things and rolling with it.
I certainly learned a lot from hearing these answers from seasoned fathers as well as my own husband. It gives me a lot of insight into what husbands and fathers go through, and how important the wife’s role is. I hope these questions can generate conversations for you and your loved ones as well!